Why Are You looking for Friends With Benefits?

Rakshita Upadhyay
5 min readJul 7, 2021


Are you? Well, I know! some of you do. At a certain point in our lives, we all do. We all think of a noble life, full of all the pleasures; a life devoid of stupid commitments that not only bring worries but also bring sorrows to the upcoming adults.

We all are always taught one concept in life- ‘you have got only one life, and there is no after’. No one wants to suffer (suffering could be anything that distorts our mental peace) and everyone wants to be loved; but the truth is, we hurt those who love us the most and vice-versa. No one is happy and everyone gets to play the victim- at least once in this game of obtaining love and pleasure.

All the happiness comes with a price but sometimes the price we pay is too much, therefore, the concept of the so-called pleasures get confined within the premises of ‘if you want all the moans and pillow talk- you should be well versed with the truckload of a mess you are going to get as a “buy-one-get-one-free” scheme.’

But guess what? We are humans! And we are intelligent! We know how to avoid bad things and scoop the best part- cuddle and sex! In 1991, for the first time, the term “FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS” was used and has been trending ever since. It means the amalgamation of a ‘platonic’ relationship and a ‘casual’ sexual relationship. Without a commitment or ‘no strings attached’ in a nutshell.

FWB (friends with benefits) is not a single term; it is a multitude of different forms of relationships that fall under this category. According to the Journal of Sex Research, there are seven different forms of FWBs-


These are the friends you have a platonic(emotional/spiritual) relationship with. You consider them safe sexual partners.


It is devoid of any real talk, as one might say, and includes only ‘sex’. Commonly referred to as ‘fuck buddies’.

Network Opportunism

Ever seen Hollywood movies where two people meet at a random party and end up having sex amidst the red cups inside an empty bathtub? Yes, network opportunism is exactly that kind of FWB.

Successful Transition

This is for the ‘lucky’ ones. They know how to take hold of their emotions. Starting with FWB, they successfully transform it into a romantic relationship.

Unintentional Transition

They start with FWB initially and promise each other not to include the ‘heart’ thing, but somehow end up loving each other (for obvious reasons) and say ‘yes’ to an officially romantic relationship! Recall the movie ‘Friends with benefits.’

Failed Transition

They are good as FWB, but one of the partners is looking forward to a romantic relationship- which the other one doesn’t want, hence leading to a failed transition.

Transition Out

This kind of FWB results when your former partner wants a sexual relationship again but not the unnecessary emotional baggage. You get it!

If you are currently or were in FWB, which of the above-mentioned categories do you classify yourselves in?

Why Are You Looking for FWB?

Without beating about the bush, let’s get to the main point- why are you looking for friends with benefits? It has, aforementioned, a litany of reasons. Let us consider a few of them down below-

Done with the adult drama

Growing up, you realize that love and all its perks aren’t a fairy tale. They have their dark sides. Seeing everyone around you happy makes you feel vulnerable and makes you want to love even more. Low-key, you realize that relationships are a waste of time and leave a void inside your mind at such an age where you should be focusing on your career. Therefore, you decide to fulfill your physical needs and remain stoic when it comes to emotions (because emotions ruin it all most of the time), and voila! You open your doors for FWB.

It’s trendy

No matter how hard you try, your sponge brain takes what society has to offer you. It is called BANDWAGON EFFECT. The more people around you are involved in FWB, the more likely you will consider one for yourself in the future!

It’s all the pulp; sans peels

Remember how some fruits are delicious but they have an annoying peel? Take for example- litchi, too sweet from the inside and kinda rough from the outside with a big seed in the middle. You just want the mid part (the pulp). Being in FWB is having the middle part only (basic needs/perks) and ignoring the seed or the annoying peel (grudges/emotional trauma).

The inability to commit or taking responsibilities

Most people nowadays find it hard to manage their own lives effectively and maybe you are one of them. You are either commitment-phobic or find it excruciating to take someone else’s responsibility, so to keep yourself at bay from all the drama and stick to your all-time favorite- FWB.

‘Friends with benefits’ is just a name; you’re only human!

There is no good or bad relationship as long as the two people participating in it are okay with it. Also, not every relationship can be named. The truth is- we are a population that is influenced heavily by peers and faces a lot of mental health issues. This is the reason why we, sometimes, choose the option that sounds better and less painful to us.

Also, intimacy has its own stages and you can’t tell exactly when you find yourself in the cesspool of feelings for a ‘friend’ you had a serene and platonic relationship with. But now, you want more; although you never imagined it to happen.

It is also true that no matter how hard you try, even in a so-called FWB- you catch feelings like you catch cold.

We are a generation that only wants to enjoy the sunny weather because it makes them happy- what we forget to take into account is that just like us, nature has its shades and on some days we must witness hurricanes or even hailstorms.

In the end, we have one life and we should do things that work out for us; therefore, seeking pleasure is fine, but running won’t help!